Holy Hell I Missed A Day...

Damn, that's the first one I've missed in 11 days, which sucks, to say the least. Ah well, I'm back on the horse, and ready for another installment!

Things I Need To Change About Myself

1. Motivation. Ok, I know everyone suffers from a lack of motivation sometimes, but for me, if I don't want to do something, it takes a hurculean effort to get it done. I've just lost my motivation somewhere along the line, and I haven't been able to find it. I think I'm just bogged down with life, and I'm not having any fun. That seems the most plausable explanation, and makes the most sense in my internal dialogue. I have flashes where I just get a lot done, and continue to get a lot done. I just wish I could harness whatever gets me going then, and use it whenever I need it. I'm doing fairly good now, and I need to force myself to continue. The house looks pretty good, the ants are gone, the house doesn't stink anymore (animals, love 'em, but hate all the hair), and we're just a little happier at home. I can keep this up, I know I can.

2. Lies, as a reminder...

3. Weight. I'm totally out of shape, and I hate myself for it. There's absolutely no reason I can't go running after I take the kids to school in the mornings, or take Zoe for a walk after I drop them off, but for some reason, I just don't. I was helping Monkey learn to ride her bike without training wheels today, and I was getting winded just running across the front of Grandma's house. Granted, the position I was in was very, very akward, but there's no reason I should've been that out-of-breath that quickly. Well, no reason other than I'm a big fat-ass, who can't take a deep breath when bending over because of his big fat stomach. I need to wake up, because I don't like myself physically, I know I'm not as attractive as I could be, and I'm not getting any younger. I know I'm staring health-problems in the eye, and if I don't change over the next 5-10 years, I'll be a heart-attack waiting to happen, not to mention the risk of diabetes. Wake up Dan! A half-hour a day isn't too much to ask, is it?

4. Time Management. You managed to organize your list of QB picks for fantasy football, why couldn't you get the laundry sorted and put up? Yea, you'll use the excuse that you didn't want to wake our company up, but what excuse will you come up with tomorrow? Get your work done, on time, and you'll be able to do the things you want to do, with no hassles or problems! Just do it in a timely manner, and you'll be fine. Why does this seem so hard to understand?

Things I'm Thankful For, In My Life

1. My wife. We had company over for the last few days, and for some reason, the company inadvertantly opened my eyes to what I was taking for granted. My wife is a beautiful creature, who's laugh and smile makes me positively beam with joy. Why I managed to take that for granted for the last year is beyond me, but my eyes are open again, and I sure as hell hope they don't close to the majestey that is my wife.

2. Diversions. Yea, I use them as an excuse to get out of work, and yea, I use them too much INSTEAD of work, but I love the little things I do to get through my day. I've recently rediscovered my love of making model cars, and I'm in the process of painting the pieces of a 1967 Ford Mustang GT. Black, with black and red interior. Should be nice to display on my desk. The PS2 has been taking up a little of my time recently. I still haven't beat "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" yet (and boy have I ever got a rant on the whole "hidden sex scene" fiasco in me) but "Call of Duty" and now "Splinter Cell" have grabbed me in their talons. And TV, since we got the deal on DirecTV. I've so-far managed to keep a fairly decent balance between my diversions and my work, but I know if I'm not dilligent I'll fall off the other side back into my old habits. Diversions are fun, but I have to keep up with my work, or the vicious cycle of anger and deceit could start up fresh all over again.

3. Poker. Yes, I'm one of the ones jumping on the new poker bandwagon, even though I've been watching it for over 5 years now. I never actively played until just recently, and the free poker rooms at pokerstars.net and others are a god-send for those of us who have no money but still want to hone our skills. And, as it turns out, if I can keep my head out of my ass and follow my instincts, I'm really not all that bad a player. Who knew?

I could (and will) go on another time, as I'm starting to dig a little deeper inside myself for my worries and problems, as well as the things that I really enjoy and am thankful for in life. I was skeptical at first, but finding new material for this blog (even I don't want to read the same crap over and over again) has forced me to think harder about myself, my anxieties, and the joys in my life. I shall continue, and I hope if you're reading this, you'll tag along, as it could prove to be a rather interesting ride.

Until tomorrow!

~ Dan