Sunday Recap #1

Ok, so, format changes and all that have caused my blog to, in one reader's comment, "suck". However, I'm going to see if I can't devote a little more time during the day to blogging things that actually come to my mind, as opposed to racking my brain at the end of a long day trying to find something I can write about that won't take me too long but will still come across as interesting to my readers and anyone who stumbles across my Canuck's Corner. I feel like I have more to say, but when it comes down to it, I just don't have the time when I'm exhausted and ready to fall over asleep. So, look for more and better posts in the near future. I can't guarnatee they'll be there, but you can look for them. So, on to the recap!

Things I Need To Change About Myself

1. Procrastination/Time Management. For the most part, it's been really, really good this week. The house has looked pretty darn good, and has stayed that way. And, with my vacuuming and cleaning the litter boxes everyday, the house smells a whole lot better. I couldn't really tell before, but now you can really tell the difference. Plus, it doesn't look nearly as dusty as it used to either. Which is nice, given that it only took a week for things to look like they had a coat of dust before. That was my fault, for not keeping up with the vacuuming and dusting, but now that I am, you can really see the difference. Who knew?

2. Weight. I've started working again, and with work, I've been more active, and being more active, I guess I'm losing weight. MJ noticed and commented today that I looked a little slimmer in the gut (one of my major bad areas). Plus, we cleaned out our closet today, and when I was seeing what pants to pack away and/or throw out, I was shocked by the pants that I could do up and that didn't look all that bad on me. I was SURE that most of them, especially my khakis and black slacks, would have to be packed away. But loe and behold, I could button them, and they didn't look tight around my thighs and ass. Will wonders never cease? But, I still have a long way to go, and given that I can eat for free during my shift at work, that means that portion control is going to be huge for me. I have to use that thing I recently discovered I had...willpower. The temptation to eat my weight is pretty high, but I only really slipped once this week, which is pretty damn good for me.

3. Time With Family. Now that I'm working afternoon/evenings, my time with my family is at a premium, and I need to make sure that I spend it in the best ways possible, not just sitting on my computer and/or watching TV. It's hard, because the times when I see them the most are my days off, and really, no one wants to do much on their days off. But, I have to optimize my time with them, and make sure they don't miss me too much. Especially MJ, because even though we sleep in the same bed at night, she's usually out of it or totally asleep by the time I get home in the evening. I miss her, and I miss the kids. I only see them for a couple of hours on the weekdays, and thats from the time I wake them up in the morning to when I drop them off at school, and when I pick them up from school until I leave for work. 2 hours on the days I work. And with MJ, it's not even 2 hours. The extra money is a huge help, but if it starts putting too much of a strain on my family, I'll bust my ass to find something different.

4. Procrastination Again. I have a report due tomorrow for school. Of course, I haven't started it yet, and it's now 10:00pm. I've known about it since Wednesday, and granted, it's only a page, but that's still a lot when you have to organize it and make it coherent, not to mention find 4 sources to use. I could've easily had it done, or mostly done before now, but I left it. And now I suffer for it. But, that's what happens, and that's what I've always done. And I'll be up until midnight or later because of it. For the next projects, I'm not going to fall into this trap. I have to get them done, because there's no way I'll be able to get them done properly at the last minute. There's going to be way too much to do.

5. Lies. Now, given that it's the entire week I'm recapping here, you'd think that there'd be at least 1 or 2 things I need to confess here, or at least make reference to. But there isn't. The only reason there's a number 5 here is because I have to constantly remind myself that lies are totally unacceptable, and I can't tell even a single 1 without destroying any trust or goodwill I've built up. This has to be a constant reminder to me, and so it's going to be here all the time. The only problem I've had this week is not telling things to MJ when I find them out, and it causes confusion when all the details are revealed. That's something I REALLY need to work on, and so I have to keep reminding myself to do it.

Things I'm Thankful For, In My Life

1. MJ. I miss her. We don't get to spend enough time together, and when we do, I'm away on my computer or something of the like. I need to stop that, or at the very least, cut down on it so we can at least spend some time in the same room together. I miss her, a lot. I can't wait for my visa to get straightened out so I can work a normal schedule and actually see her for more than an hour or two a day. It's good for our relationship, because the extra money reduces some of the stresses we have, but it's bad, because we're used to seeing so much of each other, and now we hardly see each other at all. A quick kiss when she gets home and I'm on my way out is hardly a good substitute for talking to her about her day. But, even though I miss the heck out of her, I still love her more than anything, and she will always be the thing I'm most thankful for. And since I know she's going to read this...

I LOVE YOU BABY! ~kiss~

2. The Kids. They're taking my working and not being there farily well, in my opinion. Course, I'm not there to see if they weren't, but I'm sure MJ would tell me if they were taking it badly. I was especially worried about Sissy, because she's quite sensitive to changes in routine, but she's taken it like a little trooper. They're great, all 3 of them, and I love them to pieces too. And they're all doing fantastic at school, which is a major plus (especially with how bad Bub's grades were last year).

3. Work. As I said before, it's helping me lose a little weight, which is wonderful, but more importantly, it's increasing our income, which is slowly taking away some of the copious stress we've had over our money situation. I never really had a shortage of money in my life...my Mom would give me some if I needed it, and when I needed more I got a job. I had no bills so all the money I made I could blow however I wanted. It was wonderful, but man was I ever spoiled. The last few years have made me appreciate money all the more, since we have really never had much. There's always something that we need to buy, or something we need to have, or bills we need to pay. We have never had THAT much disposable income, never THAT much to do things as a couple, or as a family. Now, with this job, soon I think we will.

4. Life. I finally feel like my life may be coming together, like it may be getting in order. I haven't had that feeling in a lot of years, and it's pretty damn nice. I have a long, long way to go, but I'm starting to feel like I'm building a foundation, like I'm setting myself up to finally become a man, to finally be a person I'm happy with. I haven't been happy with myself in more years than I can remember, and I've hated myself for a long time. But finally, I think something's happeneing where I can finally become the person I know I can be. It's not a totally good feeling, but it's certainly the start of a good feeling.

I think I like this retrospective look on the week past. I think we'll try this again next week, and see if I still like it then. It's nice to look back and reflect on how I've felt. My memory is notoriously bad, and I think it's mainly because I don't bother to look back and actively try to remember things. Well, doing my posts this way forces me to look back, forces me to reflect, and forces me to remember. That's nice, and I definately enjoy looking back like this. So, until we meet again!

~ Dan